As the dust of emotions settle in my family today, I am able to think about the necessity of yesterday's experience. What we achieved was to have a conversation around very hard things like truthfulness and honesty, responsibility and respect, on a level we had not previously done as a family. It was a lesson in communicating, in listening, in being compassionate and empathetic. Often times as a parent I feel that the knowledge is flowing one way. That was definitely not the case. I learned so much about relating to my boys, seeing the world through their eyes and the pain and heartache that they bottle up thinking that as they develop into men that they need to shoulder it all on their own and not ask for help as that somehow denotes weakness. How pandering to these false stereotypes injure who we are and diminish the light of our potential is so very upsetting. It is these conversations that need to be had more regular and are the ways through which we may all seek a deeper level of meaningful and nourishing connection with one another. Even being in the same household, I may be more intentional about making time for conversations that go beyond the surface. Letting them prattle on about what they are thinking, reading, playing or watching and being present to ask questions, enquire about what and how they feel about it all. This after all allows them to strengthen the ability to articulate their feelings and thoughts and grow in emotional intelligence. After all, their home is their training ground, and mine. A space in which we all may collectively reach greater understanding about ourselves.
Yes, parenting is our most important job and the one we don't get trained for. That may be partly because culture changes constantly so that what was fine for one generation needs to be reworked for the next. It's a good thing but also constant work. We learn together.