It is easy for me to get self-righteous when someone blatantly lies to me. I feel a barrage of negative emotions toward them. In the past I have been indignant toward those who have lied to me. Yesterday, I had an experience where I just knew I was not being told the truth and felt the familiar frustration rising. I used to do a lot of work around sexual offences against women. It would exasperate me when a complainant would appear on the day of trial, having been prepped extensively, and report that the offence alleged, did not occur. I came to learn about the psychology behind this and developed a capacity and tolerance that this was an inevitable stage through which some matters passed or others perished. In the situation yesterday, I had to acknowledge that there was a palpable fear that the situation was stirring up within this person. It was the fear that needed to be addressed and not the lies. It required my compassion and empathy toward this soul to draw out concerns and offer alternatives to the limitations the mind was conjuring. Another matter also comes to mind that will present itself in a meeting later today. When people are striving to work together for a common purpose but seem to be living among the weeds of blaming one another for past mistakes, what does tolerance look like? How do I practice tolerance when I have been brought in to fix it all? I am tolerant when I accept something for which I feel contempt or dislike. I detest the in-fighting and mud-slinging that goes on in this organisation. They look toward me for guidance to help them move past these behaviours. It is not an easy fix or simple but will take time, effort and some serious emotional maturing. I tolerate the stage they are at because it exposes opportunities to grow, it enables me to identify ways I may help them move from a place of negativity to embracing a more positive mindset. I will direct some of that tolerance toward myself, cognizant that this shift may not be possible for those entrenched in their way of thinking. This is not failure on my part to bring about a miraculous about-face, but a phase through which the work of building a team must pass as trust and cooperation are being constructed. As I strive to practice tolerance, I see that many more possibilities to view a situation open up for me.
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