Sincerity

allowing my words and actions to reflect a truthful heart

I find myself in a contemplative mood this morning. My mind is quietly pondering my actions and words uttered yesterday and people's response to it. As I drew the virtue of sincerity I was able to bring myself to account as to what I really wish to do. Last evening I attended a community gathering centred around creating an action team to help encourage equity and inclusion among my local police service. This initiative, that the police themselves have begun, is to repair and strengthen bonds with the police service and establish a deeper sense of community. This is exactly the sort of community interaction that I love and earnestly wish to foster and progress. I listened to people as they poured out their hearts full of pain and anguish at the horror of previous negative interactions with the police. How they were unable to accept the apologies that were offered although the management and police board were empathetic to their stories that this did not reflect the generality of the police service. This work requires honest and open dialogue, detachment from personal agendas, a deep desire to build trust in genuine and deep ways and the help of the entire community. I find myself magnetically drawn to these efforts and the hope that the conversations that they generate will cause people - uniformed and civilian alike - to take stock of themselves and their interactions with others, to look inward and recognise the importance of acquiring spiritual qualities that will expand the potential of their hearts. As I shared with my husband how profound and moved I was by the gathering and that I wanted to serve on this new team that would be constructed to further this work, he simply asked, "what are you going to take off your plate?" It hadn't occurred to me that I would need to make room for this work and give up something I am already doing. I arrogantly believed that everything I had taken on was meaningful to me. On further reflection and viewing all of this through the very clear lens of sincerity, he is rather annoyingly right! This work deserves heartfelt and laser focus because it is emotionally demanding and draining. I cannot devote the time and energy that it so desperately needs to achieve some form of meaningful action that results in real and lasting change, when I am being pulled in directions that are not focused in this way and frankly lack my earnest volition. As I write this I know exactly what I must do and from which board of directors I must take my leave. I love working out in the community with real people who are desirous and thirsting for a better existence. I do not need to sit on a board as the token black person where my contributions are not being heard and valued. Honestly, I accepted such a position for the networking it would afford, knowing that there was no real endowment I would be able to build. It feels good to admit that! This upcoming conversation will be difficult but with sincerity to guide me, I will be true to my heart.