Day 8 of the Fast
In the book I am reading to help with the progress of my Fast, the section on recommendations for the mind suggests ways to integrate my ego. I love to learn about how the ego is on this lifelong quest to take a hold of the reigns of my life to direct its flow and how I may gently take those reigns back under the control of my higher self. It is a lifetimes worth of work. Integrating the ego takes effort and as I have had emerge for me today, sincerity. I can see this so clearly with my work. I am in the process of writing a report of my findings and I am stuck as to how to construct it and express myself. My ego tells me that the organisation wants an in depth, academic piece that is lengthy, setting out what it should do to be able to reach a desired level of functioning and to be able to display this report as a badge of having done the necessary work to attain that level. My ego is also telling me that I am not fit to be doing such a report and as a result I have writer's block and resistance to sitting down and working on it. One of the suggestions to move through these feelings is to sit with it, explore it and give it a voice. When I do this I hear: you do not know what you are doing! They will discover that you are an imposter and you will be humiliated! This is the voice of my fear stemming from fragments of hurt and emotional shocks of my past. It is this part of me that is worried and does not want to see me fail and fall flat on my face for all to see. There is truth in this voice. It feels pain and does not want to consider the eventuality of failing and humiliation, it is scared. Sincerity encourages me to embrace this feeling, offer it compassion, love, gentleness and mercy. Then the next step urges me to empower myself with education, taking responsibility for the report I am to write, doing research, talking to my colleagues to help inform my thoughts, consulting with friends and then to hold my actions up to the light of the will of God. I am reminded of my nobility, the desire to serve the community and strive for excellence in what I am doing. I have a source to turn to for guidance and assistance always and I will not be left alone. I do not have to offer anyone else's voice but my own and be content to be myself, bringing my professional experience to bear on the situation that presents itself. I need not exaggerate or seek to impress but instead be a mirror reflecting the reality of the situation. I have genuine intentions, a sincere desire to be of assistance and guidance and this may be expressed through my report. I am grateful to have this blog to express this exercise concretely for myself and have a reference where I can can return to for comfort and solace. I will be repeating this exercise often with the help of sincerity to keep it pure and simple.
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