I had a humbling experience yesterday during a zoom call, where some members of my bright line eating community came together for an hour of connecting with one another and to explore the topic of how to accept our bodies. I reviewed my own history of negativity toward this body that I inhabit and had come to the conclusion, some time ago, that much of my angst stems from disliking the colour of it. As I listened to others sharing about sorrowful events that precipitated weight gain, I had this arrogant thought that their woes in no way could compare to mine as I could not change my skin colour. We then broke off into smaller groups to engage in the discussion more personally. I shared the sting of colourism that plagues me and the woman I was with, shared her story. She spoke of experiences of being deaf as an infant, having non uniform colouring of her skin. During this short but profound conversation, I listened and realised that we place so much importance on these bodies we inhabit and on those of others. Are we missing something more important? I believe the lesson is that we are not our bodies. Our personalities, our intelligence and our ability to love one another do not emanate from our bodies. Our bodies are simply the vehicles that give expression to these thoughts and feelings. We are distracted so much with what we see that we miss what really matters. Our preoccupation with our bodies leads us to things like food addiction, that may in fact be directing us to turn toward God. This is not to say that we should ignore our bodies but that perhaps the time and energy we devote to them is mis-proportioned. Of course we need to ensure that our bodies, that are the vehicles for who we are, must be treated with respect to enable the beauty of our true selves to shine through resplendently. I received this important lesson in detachment yesterday and the appearance of self-discipline today, encourages me to heed the learning in that lesson and make it concrete in my thoughts and actions. Yesterday, I wanted to assert how important my experiences had been in constructing an identity around my body, one to which I thought, for a long time, I had no control over. But if I heed the teachings of the Divine Educators and embrace my inherent nobility, I see that I can in no way be impeded by someone's thoughts and attitude. Faith transcends this. I will practice weeding out my tendency to resort to an inferior and lesser view of myself because of my body and realise that my body is not who I am. I cannot change how people perceive me but I can and will not make their perceptions a self-fulfilling prophecy. It is hard to rise above, but this, I believe, is what I am being called to do. To realise that I need not empower ignorance and superstition. I am so much more, we all are! These are thoughts that perpetually come up in my musings. Self-discipline reminds me that character is cultivated day by day, moment by moment and requires careful, systematic attention. No doubt I will revisit this again as this is the practice.
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