"You must become the means of lighting the world of humanity. This is the infallible proof and sign. Every progress depends on two things, knowledge and practice. First acquire knowledge, and, when conviction is reached, put it into practice." – Abdu’l-Baha, Abdu’l-Baha in London, p. 108.
Yesterday a friend shared a quotation with me that is part of an obligatory prayer. As there are three obligatory prayers to choose from and it has never been my choice of prayer, I had not had cause to reflect on this segment of it. In this excerpt the reader is asking and beseeching God to guard his or her hands from meddling with that which does not belong to it. At first blush this may refer, and probably does, to taking things which are not mine. But I thought about this and realised that my tendency to want to rescue others is a way of meddling. A study group I am in that is looking at the ways in which a successful marriage may be built, were discussing the choices our children may make for lifetime partners. One participant asked the question; what does a parent do if they do not approve of their child's choice? In the Baha'i Faith parents have the added responsibility to bestow consent on the prospective couple before marriage may ensue. It is a delicate situation that requires serious contemplation and consultation. There were varying views about this practice and the sacred duty to ensuring the unity of the new family unit and its connections to the extended family. Our session was a week ago and it has been on my mind as some of my boys are involved in relationships to which they are committed. Part of the choices we make in our partners are opportunities for us to learn about ourselves and how it is we sustain and maintain relationships. I think about my own parents when I approached them for consent to marry my first husband. I was insistent and determined and this was evident in my manner of asking. My Dad was quite skeptical about the whole thing but eventually gave his consent. I did not have the opportunity to consult with my mother at the time only my Dad and he represented both of their views. Consent was given and it all ended in disaster. Later when I spoke to my mother about it, she admitted that she could see that this was not something that would endure but that it was my lesson to learn. It was not that she wanted me to have a painful and terrible experience but that she respected that this was a lesson I could not be taught but had to live to reap the many learnings that were hidden. Looking back at it all I see that it needed to unfold just as it occurred for me to understand the posture required to enter such a milestone phase in one's life. I get to share these gems openly with my boys knowing that it is up to them what it is they will do with it in their own lives. I am so grateful for the guidance they have at their disposal in making such a decision. I am grateful for the example of my own parents that even when we feel it may not be good for our adult children we have to let them grow in this spiritual quality, in their own way.