I was reading a blog post about hardships and tests. The author wrote about discerning what is God's work and what is ours. This made me think about the times when I allow despair and anxiety to take a hold of me and guide my way through the world. These emotions wreak havoc on my wellbeing and I often say or do things that I later regret. They emerge as I respond to tests and given that they are old familiar friends who do not give much thought to my wellbeing, I go about compounding the impact of the test unnecessarily. What I realise I am trying to do, by bleeding my energy into the future, is God's work. I worry about things I cannot control, probable and improbable scenarios unfold as vivid movies in my brain, captivating my attention and energy. I become paralysed by the fear of these scenarios being reality that I seek to escape from the impending doom. The response that is required in those times is for me to discern what is my work to do. It may be hard given the overwhelm of the test and the feelings that it evokes but I so want to have the courage to pause. To not rush around to do something because I wish to avoid the pain and discomfort of feeling. This moment is the magical moment where change and growth occur if I am ready and able to tap into it. What if I have the courage to sit with the discomfort, that I realise only exists on the surface, and can submerge myself beneath it and find the calm, still waters where the lessons live and tell their wise stories? This is the direction in which I am to exert my energy in a meaningful and useful way. The practices of responsibility direct me toward what is mine to do.
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