I am learning about the gravity of the responsibilities that I have shouldered in pursuit of a desire to serve my community. This new position was offered to me a couple of months ago and I eagerly accepted it. I did so because I felt called to offer service to my community in this way but also there was a self serving element. It pains me to say that I was also attracted to the status of the position and the egotistical emotions of having what I perceived as elevation in the community. It is no wonder than with this attitude that I found things to be quite difficult and was intent on trying to figure out the path forward on my own, after all I had worked with the committee in the past and knew about the work and had assisted with it in the past. This arrogance and haughtiness resulted in me not seeking the help of others or when it was offered I would dispute and contend that I knew what it was I was doing and would go about it my way. I am humbled to say that those that I work with were so loving and thoughtful that they constructed spaces for learning alongside others who were in a similar situation. I have a long way to go in obtaining skills and in amassing experience as I do so I am hoping that our community will be able to discern some degree of progress that motivates us even further. To do this will require me to demonstrate reliable behaviour. There are meetings to attend, people to converse with and my own individual learning to advance. Intertwined with all of this is my wish to place a greater reliance on Divine Assistance. I get caught up in my own shortcomings and inevitable mistakes in life that I often become temporarily paralysed. This paralysis results in me not keeping my promises because I am more concerned about not making mistakes and doing things perfectly. My ego takes over so completely that I am heedless of the responsibilities that I have taken on and appear unreliable. So I am doing some work on getting over myself, showing up when it is my duty to do so and clinging to those invisible forces that are always at my disposal to give me the energy I need to complete tasks that I have promised to undertake.
Hugs. You're human - just like the rest of us.