I spent yesterday deep in avoidance land. I avoided getting the remainder of our belongings from our old home, letting my husband and son perform the task. I avoided feeling my feelings by isolating, eating and watching mindless television. As the fog settles, everything is physically the same as how it was yesterday, but there is a difference. Whereas yesterday I felt that I could not face anything or anyone, today I feel I have more energy, that things are not quite as dismal as I think and I perceive a growing desire to see possibilities. I discern a perceptible attitudinal shift, one that is settling down into the reality of being in a new place, facing the enormity of having to make new friends and change up my regular routine of life. As I reflect on yesterday, I see how I wanted the status quo to be maintained. I was here in this new house physically but emotionally I was distant, aloof, elsewhere. Today, I am present. I like the configuration of the furniture in our living room that my husband and son have created. I did yoga in a new space and felt the familiar poses that served to ground me now to this space. I said prayers on my favourite comfy cushion with a view of trees, new sounds and enthusiastically participated in a morning devotional with a backdrop of a new living room. The virtue of perceptiveness has reminded me that I possess the capacity to slow down into awareness. As I look back at yesterday, and see how my avoider was hard at work yanking at the reins and striving to go backwards, but the effort is futile as there is only one direction in which I must travel. Life goes on and it is only through active participation that any joy may be gained, goals and aims realised, and opportunities exposed. The fog only served to conceal what was real, to create noise and distract. There is nothing bad here, only difference to which I may adapt and live the possibilities that I had identified when we accepted to move to this town back in April. I am open to clarity as it settles.
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