A mis-step yesterday has me feeling uncertain, wobbly and incongruent today. It feels as if it has shaken the reservoir of trust, I had been carefully building with myself, to its very foundations. I see that the structure that I had crafted is still very much standing, but there is part of me that wants to think, well it shook so much it must be faulty so let's just tear it all down! The truth is it is still standing, if I want to view this whole experience honestly. Yes there was some movement and that was disconcerting but I did take the time to install a foundation! Perhaps it needs to be fortified but not torn up and rebuilt. I have discovered that at the root of all of this is how little I trust myself. I am quick to believe a mistake is a complete deal breaker, the perfectionist side of me sees only failure so why bother to move forward. This heedlessness has been the undoing of me in the past. So what is the learning here? Being faithful to the virtues of my character involves a fundamental, unwavering belief that despite mistakes and mishaps these virtues persist to direct me forward, they do not cease to exist. It is an invitation to dust myself off, stand up and continue on this life journey. Integrity involves tempering righteousness with forgiveness. So I may give myself permission to be human, to not run from my heartbreak but go through it, as fiery and painful as it may be, I will develop a stronger character, a deeper reliance on myself. This practice of integrity is an ongoing not an ending. I will continue to scale the walls of life's slippery struggles.
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