Honesty

humbly admitting mistakes

My thoughts have been on forgiveness this morning. I made some mistakes yesterday and was harbouring resentment toward certain people. I could not get past how hurt I felt as the recipient of others words. I have been so concerned about the behaviour of other's that I have been blind to my own. As I contemplate on the words I said, the tone of voice I used and the attitude I displayed, I see how I was simply engaging from a very combative and defensive position and this caused the other person to become even more offensive. How do I disengage from this behaviour in the midst of such conversations? It seems in the moment I am unable to retract my claws and listen to what the other person is saying. I realise that they were striving to convey something to me, in the heat of the moment, as they were experiencing frustration from my ignorance at not comprehending what they were expressing. As I reflect on the conversations I see that what was being conveyed was not contained in what was said but in what they were feeling. My aloofness served only to belittle those feelings. They needed to pour out their heart and the obvious pain that they were feeling. I was too concerned about myself by making it about me and responding on that level. I am seeking to learn how to sit with another's pain. How do I empathise, not take offence and ignore the feelings their words evoke for me? This requires practice for me, more awareness in the moment and not seeking to avoid these hard conversations because I fear that I will become upset. I find that I have been avoiding these people, this is not forgiveness but is estrangement. So I have asked for forgiveness in my prayers this morning and now I need to approach those concerned and seek out an opportunity to show love by admitting that I have made mistakes. Yes, I have thoughts about what this may bring up for me but more than anything I want a relationship with them and with this as my guide I will focus on conveying love.