The physical distance continues. I am not counting the days. I am settling into what has become the norm for me. Looking back, I saw this gift of time as a vacation from the busyness of how I had constructed my life. I snatched at the time, filling it with things I had been meaning to do and had not gotten around to doing. I saw it as short lived and clung to scarcity thinking. I created busyness inside. I crashed from the physical exhaustion. I exposed myself to emotionally toxic information and crashed spiritually too. Emerging out of the refreshing and rejuvenating glow of Fasting, I was overly exposed. But that experience lives on in me and it is written that it is enough refreshment to last me the whole year. It is not as remote as I think, but there for me to tap into whenever I want.
I read today a concept that resonated with me: my job is to choose how I want to feel that day and then do activities and engage in behaviour that fulfill that intention. This struck me as incredible, but strangely doable. I could construct the day according to how I want to feel. I have this power within me. Yes, there will be meetings but how I show up will determine what I take from those spaces. I feel empowered as Grace showed up. This morning, I smile at the clear blue sky, the sun and warm temperature in Stratford. I chose to go for a walk and greet fellow Distancers and their dogs with a smile. The geese and swans were doing their thing, letting me pass with little acknowledgement. I have not written a post in a few days and this fills me with joy to get my thoughts down and just immerse myself in all the beauty and bounty in the world. Yesterday, I had some "coulda shoulda" moments as I reviewed life choices of years ago. You know the familiar refrain; why did I do that? what was I thinking? and could I not have seen the whole picture - it was right there? I have learned that this is where I need to invite in the grace of forgiveness and let the Oonagh of yesteryear know that she did the best she could do with the tools she had. Now, today, right now requires my attention, to access those tools and bring them to bear on filling up this day with the gift of grace. Grace is the Midas touch. If I lean into it and let its abundance fill me up, it will turn every communication and relationship into a thing of beauty. I believe!
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