Gentleness

a salve to my soul

I am writing my yearly goals. In the Baha'i calendar, the year begins anew at the spring equinox which this year will be celebrated on 20 March 2021. We are approaching the last nineteen day month of the year which is the month of fasting. These few days before the final month are our days of celebration, gift giving and service. The joy among my friends is palpable and I trust I am sharing it with everyone I encounter. My question this morning to the virtues universe, was what virtue do I need to assist me in creating goals for the year ahead. I smiled widely when gentleness appeared. It touched so many points that have been exposed and vulnerable for me over the past week. Reading this card was like applying balm to the my very sensitive areas, areas I hope to be able to allow to heal and strengthen as I navigate through the world over the next year. How interesting that it takes self-control and strength to call upon gentleness when I am hurt or angry. I know this only too well. I can become a cornered cat, snarl and hiss to protect my wounded ego. Then my pattern is to turn in on myself, eating in ways that harm my body and disrupt the functioning of my mind. I was on a call with some friends in my Bright Line Eating group yesterday and it was this very issue that we were discussing. There was truth telling about ways we had eaten off of plan recently because of perceived unworthiness or lack of value from something someone had said or done. There were healing tears flowing as we came to face to face with the shame and sought to access compassion for each other and ourselves. It is in these moments that I may turn to the comfort of gentleness and seek its refuge, a goal I have sought to strive toward. I have a tendency to be rigid and set high unachievable goals when I look ahead and then feel discouraged and upset when I have not attained them. Gentleness reminds me to look at what is, see progression as gradual in this season of my life and strive to be a source of peace to hearts I touch. I strive to remember to direct the practice of gentleness toward myself in times of hurt. I may look at the current state of my life and see the areas that I am seeking to grow in and set goals that will keep me motivated throughout the year. I want to be able to sustain a demeanor of radiant acquiescence. This is a living document I am creating, one I hope to refer to weekly (another goal!) as I seek balance.