It is the last of the days of celebration for Baha'is and the eve of the Fast. I had a startling awareness this morning as I meditated and prayed. It concerned the desire to rid myself of the negative expressions of my ego that hinder and impede my progress through this life. There is a quotation from the Baha'i Writings that refers to the period of Fasting as the "Supreme Remedy". Indeed the handbook I have been turning too and rereading over the past few years has this very title. Today I realised that the Fast has the capability to rid me of everything that ails me spiritually. Like any remedy though, there are actions on my part to be able to avail myself of its potentially transformative effects. Like any medicine, I have to either submit myself to the injection or follow to the letter the instructions to take pills or tonic. This involves submission and resignation, firstly a belief in the physician and I am learning what it entails toward One who is Divine and an Unknowable Essence. Secondly, having put my trust and faith in the Source of the remedy, then to abide by the instructions as they have been set out and thirdly, to follow them to the letter with no deviations that my arrogant and insistent self may suggest. If it is that I truly seek to harness the effects of my ego then I should open myself up to the most effective and efficient means of doing so. With all of this in my mind, my question before picking my virtue was: What virtue do I need to effect this resignation and submission to the effects of the Fast to bring my desired outcome about? I am learning to not question when a virtue appears but to read and really seek out what the hidden meaning is behind its appearance. I have a surface understanding of generosity associated with the giving of myself in material ways. But it is a spiritual remedy with which I wish to avail myself, so what is the meaning here? It then slowly, became clear like the gradual rising of the sun. When I let my ego take the reigns of my thoughts and actions, I am not willing to share with others - I seek to possess attention, acknowledgement and praise, I do not want to celebrate in the success of friends achievements but instead harbour resentment and jealousy and focusing on why it was that I am not a receptient of such things. I do not offer my smile and friendship fully and freely but instead am guarded, withdrawn and isolate from others. I am not open to listen to opinions and others points of view with openness and receptivity, wanting to cling to my thoughts believing that I am right and my view being the only one. I can remember my dark days a week or so ago when I did not allow myself the space to be grateful for my life and the people in it. Cheerfulness was not accessible to me. In opening myself up to the bounties life has to offer I am shedding the weight of my ego and moving past its restrictions. Purging myself of the burdens my ego places upon me is a very desirable intention but I realise that the bounties that life will offer will be in the form of tests. As with any medicine there may be some side-effects that a patient may experience. This the unwelcome part but necessary if one is going to submit wholeheartedly to the healing process. These are gifts disguised and shrouded in sorrow, hardship and despair. I pray to turn to generosity when these inevitable side effects present themselves. What I know for sure is that the abundance of healing is there for the taking if it is I have the courage to take the remedy. I am diving in!
You’re all in!