"One must see in every human being only that which is worthy of praise. When this is done, one can be a friend to the whole human race. If, however, we look at people from the standpoint of their faults, then being a friend to them is a formidable task."
‘Abdu’l-Bahá, Lights of Guidance, p. 92
I made a pact with myself at the beginning of the year to have conversations of meaning and substance with those I meet. I found that having small talk about superficial matters does not serve to help me to deepen a friendship or make lasting new connections. Frankly, it is not something I do well. I get tongue-tied, nervous and fidgety. I have been on a mission and the results have been surprising. I have been helped along the way with the social issues that the pandemic has aroused to a level of conversation, among people in the world, I had not previously experienced. This made weaving spiritual principles into everyday conversations a smooth transition for me. I found that as I did this with existing friends, perhaps during a walk or coffee over zoom, that we shared aspects of our lives that we had not previously shared. It surprised me how easy it was and naturally it flowed. The trust between us strengthened and the joy we felt when we connected was palpable. I even have shared openly with friends this mission that I am on. I was struck by another quote I had come across in the Baha'i teachings that veritable friendships are established when the connection is established on the basis of our love for God. This I have found to be expressed in surprising and varied ways though a person may even proclaim to be an atheist. I have learned that when connections are based on more superficial and shifting premises such as likes and dislikes, race or gender or any other ideals are naturally drawn to one another but the bonds between them are often not strong and enduring. I want to be able to create the type of bond that endures. Having set this intention I have been striving to bring it about. It is not easy but having it always at the back of my mind helps me to make it a reality. It assists me in opening up to others and listening to what they say and how it reveals juicy nuggets of who they are as people. It surprises me how alike we are yet we employ trivial ways to divide ourselves. The value of friends to our own souls is becoming clearer to me all the time. Yesterday, I attended a memorial for a friend who I did not know well and who passed away at the beginning of the year. It struck me how she had cultivated so many deep and meaningful friendships with so many people. How she had left indelible marks on their hearts because of the meaningful way she nourished those relationships. The memorial was full of stories of such profound and moving references. I was very touched by the quality of this dear soul. I realised that as I listened this was the true wealth in life, to share my time, attention, love and who I am with everyone.
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