The Fatherhood of God, His loving kindness and beneficence are apparent to all. In His mercy He provides fully and amply for His creatures, and if any soul sins, He does not suspend His bounty. ~‘Abdu’l-Bahá, Promulgation of Universal Peace, p. 150
There are times when the tone of my voice rises in volume or my words have an edge of abrasiveness when I am in conversation with another. I had such an experience yesterday and I feel ashamed as I relive it. I have many ways I reason away the need to behave in such a way but I end up reviewing the interaction over and over and come to the conclusion that it was too much. These thoughts keep playing over and over in my mind and it is a way of beating myself up. Then I imagine circumstances where I will be estranged from this friend, the ultimate punishment and crushing to my heart. The forgiveness card is exactly what I need to interrupt this habit of mine and resolve this matter for myself. I believe that I am highly critical of myself because I am aware of how my tone and words ought to be. I get annoyed at why I let myself down at that moment. But the antidote is to do better, to let go of the feelings that caused my anger to rise in the first place and free myself of reliving the hurt again and again. I tend to feel as though because I made this mistake I am not worthy of anything good. The quotation above helps me to recognise that when I make a mistake I am not seen as an outcast for what I may have done but that despite this, I remain an eligible recipient for God's grace and bounty. I realise as I read this and digest the import of its meaning, that I harbour some elements of this idea of original sin and not being worthy of any thing good because I am innately flawed. Yet in His wisdom, the Creator has placed us in this world among these many temptations and tests to enable us to develop intellectually and spiritually. So these mistakes or episodes are ways for me to recalibrate and recognise the need to be kind to others and myself. It is not making the wrongs I have committed right but it allows me to tap into the generosity of my own spirit to release it and heal. I can give myself another chance, a do-over with resolute faith that I can change. Thinking in this way stops the loop of mistakes playing in my head, the process of punishing myself and allows me to move forward with a renewed sense that there is goodness within me. I open my heart to receive the Bounty.