Forbearance

building bridges out of walls

Day 3 of the Fast

The focus for today in my positive intelligence course was the action of innovation. It includes the practice of listening to what others have to say and finding the ten percent of what is said that you agree with and can build on. This exercise stretches my mind as I find I am pre-conditioned to adhere to the negative and red flag that in brain. When I do this I am only disagreeing with the person and soon we find one another at odds or worse in an argument. The purpose of this is to enable others to feel heard and seen. I have an adage that I keep in my mind, that everybody is right from their own frame of reference. When I criticise or disagree this only causes them to retreat further into the comfort of that frame and cling fiercely to it as right. What is in fact being said is: listen to me, hear me! I desire to build a bridge with folks so forbearance is what I most definitely need to practice. There is no requirement that we all need to think the same way and do the same things. This is not diversity but uniformity which is not the aim. What others bring to the table is a product of their lived experiences and their knowledge. This in and of itself is valuable and relevant. When I feel heard and seen it is easy to be an active and enthusiastic participant. But forbearance is calling me to accept and feel through those situations where I may be ignored and dismissed as irrelevant. To be patient and tolerant with this hardship is the stretch I need to make. My ego wants to end a conversation and leave a room but forbearance is asking me to remain, to forgive and call on self-restraint. Instead of shutting my mind down and feeling that other person. I desire to find ways in which those precious points of unity may emerge, those sparks of light that are always present if I am willing to search and expose them. It requires my focus, attention and I surmise, involves stripping the reigns away from my ego and letting my heart listen to what is being offered to me. Do I have all the facts? Is there something more I may research to understand the issue better? What gems (and if I can't find them then I need to listen harder) are being offered to me? I also need to push past a person's tone of voice and how things are said and listen to what is being said. I believe the approach I seek to follow involves refraining from advice giving and instead being really curious about the person's thought process. My ego wants to ensure that I am front and centre offering my opinion or knowledge but I do not know everything and there is always something more to learn. Perhaps I need a mantra to help me embrace a humble posture of learning. I am only human and will fall into assuaging my ego in its insistence in being right. In these moments I will acknowledge my shortcomings in a humble manner, move forward and try again. This is my longterm commitment.