Be thou as a throbbing artery, pulsating in the body of the entire creation, that through the heat generated by this motion there may appear that which will quicken the hearts of those who hesitate. – Baha’u’llah, Tablets of Baha’u’llah. pp. 138.
For the past month I have taken my inner healing project to the next level. I sought assistance from a friend to help me clean out the deep, dark and scary parts of my heart so that I could fill it up with virtues such as enthusiasm. I have been working with the virtues for some time but still found myself repeating destructive patterns that served only to stomp on my own enthusiasm to transform myself and the world around me. I dove in with gusto and zeal, with pickaxe in hand to get to work! It has been hard and painful to get down deep into my body and notice what emotions resided there and had made a permanent home for themselves in the dark recesses of my heart, hardening and crystalizing, not allowing their intensity to be felt. This mountain has been years in the making and after a month I have perhaps only scratched the surface. Despite this, there is a freshness, a clean and fresh feeling almost like after going to the hygenist after a long absence and you emerge tender and sore but with a smooth clean feeling in your gums and teeth. I feel like that this morning. These sessions often leave me a blubbering, sobbing and snotty mess as I unearth ways in which I have practiced keeping my distance and love from others. But in the morning, after the restful sleep that follows, there is space to be filled. I turned to prayers and the Baha'i Writings. Light to fill what was once calcified and treacherous darkness. It amazes me that despite the agony of getting to this place I look forward to each session, ready to get back to chipping away at the mountain and reveal the delights that are underneath. I am far from healed but I definitely feel that I have dived into the process with an excitement about life and the wonders that I may discover about myself. I am learning that I may adopt an intelligent mature response to things that are hard, and though I still do not get it right, I may be more kind to myself when I falter. From this frame of reference everything takes on a new appearance, the world is brighter and inviting. Strangers are friends in the making and difficulties are opportunities through which I may grow. I love this work as it reveals how wonderful life really is!
I'm glad it's helping.