Earlier this morning I had been thinking about some people that have treated me, from my perspective, less than respectfully. My mind immediately conjured up retorts and ways of being toward them that would serve to counter their behaviour with a witty retort, cause shame or put them down. As I went down this story rabbit hole, fueled by negative feelings and bringing a sense of triumph and victory to me, I stopped. This was not productive or kind. In the past these daydreams would be longer and would bring much pleasure to me but as I get older I realise that they do not help me to deal with the issues, whatever that may be. I remembered to pray the feelings I was having toward these people so that I would not devolve into hurtful speech and superior behaviour. Empathy is indeed the posture I need to adopt when I interact with them. I may take the time to remember that what a person says or does is more about how they are feeling and who they are rather than about me, although I may be caught in their cross-hairs. Regardless of how they phrase something, what is said or not said deserves to be met with compassion, as that soul is bearing a burden and is struggling to release it. Remembering this at those key moments when my sense of justice has been triggered is the point at which I need to call on empathy. Remembering the humanity in others, that the very behaviour that is causing me pain, I too have that self same capability within me to behave in that way, and may have done so to others. There is guidance in the Baha'i Teachings that says, "...magnify not the faults of others that thine own faults may not appear great..."Remembering this quote helps me to refrain from judging others and blaming them. This exercise is a daily toil for me as encounters with people happen all the time. Sometimes I do not take the time to go through this exercise and resort to instinctive, hurtful behaviour that then, in bringing myself to account, I must make amends. This is the path I walk, each and every day, of making my heart tender.
Yes, re,membering to try to put myself in the postion of the one who is causing us difficulty is a hard lesson but one I think may be the most useful when aiming for understanding and harmony.