"Strive that ye may be enabled to manifest to the peoples of the earth the signs of God, and to mirror forth His commandments." ~Gleanings from the Writings of Bahá'u'lláh
Over the past few weeks I have been engaged in tending to the relationship that I have with myself. I have had some help in doing this and I am seeking a more trusting and accepting relationship with myself. Last night I had a crying episode. The kind that leaves you spent and empty after exerting an enormous amount of energy to purge tears. I woke up this morning feeling a clearer channel between my head and my chest. I realised that I had been feeling an achy heaviness in my chest where I believe many unshed tears were residing and taking up space as they waited for release. As they flowed last night out I felt an incredible amount of sadness and hurt leaving with them. I was surprised this morning as I felt like I could breathe more easily and my head was lighter. I am on a mission to connect more deeply with my emotions. I live in my head, mostly. When I am faced with something difficult, sad or hurtful I stuff it upward to my head to try and rationalise it, without letting my emotions get into the fray. Consequently, my poor emotions become stuck in my body and need to be released. My work this week is to notice what I am feeling and try and write it down, express it and let the words flow in whatever form they may wish to take. Today I have been through the gamut of fear on account of a presentation about race to strangers, measured joy that they received it well and incredulity at some of the accolades that were shared with me. Once I returned home I set about doing some administrative work and then turned to an application for a new post. I immersed myself in finding the right intonation, a balance between sharing my skills and attributes, and wanting to come across as human. All of this had me thinking about some difficulties I have had in the past and wanting to share what I have learned as a result of going through that test. I realise that, had I not had these tests I would not be the person I am today. I am finding my way back to who I am and this journey was necessary. It may have been long and circuitous but I plodded on, one step at a time, diligently, discovering in the process a stronger and more resilient self. This is what gives me the confidence to put my hat in this new ring and loudly proclaim - have a look at me!
Yes, I see you 💜