The question I posed this morning before doing my virtues pick was: what virtue do I need to diminish the influence of my ego? I have read that guilt, fear and nervousness interpose themselves between my body and soul, prohibiting access to that higher nature of myself and that these can be overcome by turning and submitting to prayer. It is so hard, in my experience, to pull myself away from the tenacious magnetism of these negative emotions and choose to turn to prayer instead. However this reading provided me with some inner work to focus on practicing. In my study group yesterday we were looking at ways that an individual may be motivated to engage in working in the community to strengthen relationships among family, friends and neighbours. One of the exercises asked us to consider how finding joy in the accomplishments of others can be such a motivator. This does not come easy to me. I have been conditioned, or at least my mind has been trained, to look at a situation and say; why them and not me? This is my insistent self at work, focusing only on me and wanting everything for me. It brings to mind the child who rips a toy from another child's arms wanting it for themselves. The behaviour I am being called to practice is one of encouragement and joy for the achievements of others. I had an realisation that when someone else achieves something momentous, that it is the achievement of everyone, including me. If I view it as my achievement too, then I my heart finds joy and I find the energy to ensure that myself and others strive to do worthy activities to benefit the whole. My mind needs more training in seeing the "we" in things and not the "me'. When I am the centre there is pain, upset and despair. I know this because these were the feelings I wallowed in very recently, and the longer I did so the unhappier I became. When I take the time to look beyond my own nose and see the possibilities outside of myself, there is more energy for me to tap into and move through the negativity. What I have to learn and embrace as reality is, that we are all interconnected no matter how much I may strive to isolate myself and believe my problems are so much larger that others. This oneness demands that I detach myself from the feelings that do not promote, support and encourage a connection with others and promotion of all. I am working with a group that needs to be uplifting in this very way and before I can teach it, I must take the time to make it a guiding force for myself. Thus my focus for the next little while is to listen for the promptings of my soul and not my ego.
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