As a person with a very strong people pleaser mentality, this characteristics of this virtue often elude me. When choices arise I rush to seeking to acquiesce to what is being asked feeling that the option to refuse is not mine to make, as the person making the request will dislike me. Decisions flowing from a result of this unproductive and unsustainable energy leave me then turning in on myself and harbouring resentment toward the committed activity. I have learned that this desire and need to please stems from trauma experienced by my relatives during slavery and as they navigated a world fraught with prejudice directed overtly and covertly toward them. Today I watched Maya Angelou's performance of the poem, "We wear a mask". It moves me as my pleaser developed such a strong hold and has such deep roots in my personality but were developed as a means for my survival. Having made it to my late forties, my need to please no longer serve me but yet I cling tenaciously to its sense of safety and the submission that made my world go round. Yesterday I attended a workshop about a book I adore entitled A Pace of Grace. The facilitators reminded me, as they shared and engaged us in exercises from the book, about the need to reclaim my confidence in my choices. I may take back the reigns from my pleaser and supplant the need to appease everyone in my midst by saying yes! with decisiveness and take a moment of grace, in search of that pure intent that guides me to a conclusion I can trust. I was reminded, as I am learning this needs to form a daily practice for me, that I have worth and value and need not bask in the feelings of inferiority that I feel when walk through this world. Wisdom, confidence and courage are my friends and whisper that I belong. When I take the time to listen, I am able to not rush my answer but take a moment to see how it feels and where I feel it, to see if I have made time for myself first, then to answer with the surety that it is the wisest choice.
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