This morning I was reading about ways to create sustainable relationships. I concluded, with my limited understanding of all the elements that this may embody, that when I am feeling a sense of completeness and contentment inside myself, I am able to love unconditionally. Relationships of course are an interaction of thoughts manifested in speech and action and this flows in both directions. I can only focus on my own way of being and consequently what I do to and with others. It struck me that creating a condition of inner wholeness cannot be projected on any one person, event or set of circumstances. When I was younger I believed this to be true that a love relationship would complete me and bring about an abundant sense of infinite happiness, like novels and movies showed me. This lesson I learned in my first marriage. Completeness must be nurtured within me and through my own relationship with my Creator, which impacts how it is I view myself. When the impetus for my actions stem from my love for God, I am accepting of another's quirks and foibles, seeing them as beautiful iterations of a human being, desiring to get to know them and forgiving what may be said and done. In contrast when I set an agenda to make someone like me, to please or control them or impress for my own self interest, it generates a power struggle of self centered interactions that results in painful emotional wounds. The practice of courtesy, sets boundaries for me to sweeten the interactions in my relationships. I am reminded to detach from my own interests in pursuing and maintaining a relationship and instead to see a beautiful heart deserving of love and belonging. Through the kindness of words, the silence I offer them to express their thoughts, the gentle smile of encouragement and by making requests not demands. Courtesy is one of the essential building blocks of unity. I am encouraged to connect with those that have been on my mind but yet have hesitated in making my move, for some personal reason of my own. By letting courtesy guide my thoughts and my speech it is the gentle push I need to reach out.
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