Day 17 of the Fast
As the Fast draws to a close, I have been thinking about re-entry into life outside of the Fast. This may seem strange, but there are special forces that operate during this potent period that make the experience feel surreal for me. It is spiritually charged and as such I feel cocooned and protected from things that ordinarily cause me irritation, frustration or distraction. I am going about life differently too, reading more of the Baha'i Writings, saying prayers during the day more often, refraining from watching movies and television shows, listening to talks about the Fast and stories about the history of the Baha'i Faith, and listening to music that brings tears to my eyes. Alongside this, my eating pattern is different. Given the shorter window of feeding time and cognizant that this is also opportunity to cleanse physically, I have cut out animal protein and am having smaller portions. As a result, I feel comfortable in my own skin and mind. This state has been a product of the Fast and I do not want it to end, but end it must. In previous years, I have not taken the time to consider re-entry into the regular flow of life and have found that I have crashed and burned, physically and spiritually. I have dived headlong into tempting foods at our Naw Ruz (New Year) celebrations and prior patterns of behaviour take hold quickly. I did not give much thought to what the process of re-entry entailed and the steps I need to take to navigate the process gently and intentionally. I want to give my thought to it this time. I am thinking about those aspects of what has become a practice over this fasting period I would like to maintain and keep in place for the year ahead. As I asked this question before my virtues pick I was open to whatever virtue would appear - there are times when I think I know what virtue I need! As I read the card of compassion, acceptance of its practices was immediate and entirely appropriate for this exercise. The Fast my body and mind fragile, this tenderising of the heart that takes place leaves me feeling incredibly exposed and vulnerable. In the past, I have entered back into the flow of life feeling like a deer in the headlights, acutely experiencing the fear and shock of it all led me to resort to those addictive behaviours I was so yearning to release. I need my own compassion to ease back into life. Being gentle when I inevitably make mistakes and do not live up to the high standard that I set for myself. I will need to care for those saboteurs whose voices have been dimmed during the Fast and are eager to feast on all that awaits them on the other side, where my willpower is not propelled by the powers of the Fast. What does this all look like in practice? I need to ask this question because if I re-enter without practical, tangible steps in the form of a plan, this exercise is fruitless and lessens the many benefits I have gained. I am considering to incrementally add food to my diet every couple of days, though I may keep out the animal products a little longer. I would like to maintain eating breakfast early before the sun rises as I am liking how it frees up my morning to do so many other things and not have to worry about eating. I will continue to be more discerning about what I am watching and reading on my screens. I am seeing my clearly that it influences my thoughts and behaviour and contributes to the uncontrollable spiral of negative thinking. What helps me think of the practical steps that I need to take is reading about the life and times of heroes and heroines of the Baha'i Faith. What came to mind as I considered how I would like to live in this upcoming year was that revered soul - daughter of Baha'u'llah, the prophet Founder of the Baha'i Faith - Bahiyyih Khanum. I have decided that alongside my other reading I will read works about how she lived her life and use that as a guide for my own. I am drawn to her forgiveness and love that she so selflessly showered upon everyone. Stories of her life stir up compassion for me and will be a reminder of how I too may live.
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