I do not usually go back and read my previous posts before I sit to write a new one, but today was different. I found myself curious as to when commitment had last appeared and scrolled through the list. I found that the last time that commitment had appeared was the first of March. I read the post in its entirety and had this empowering feeling of progress. I was not in the place I was then and that I felt stronger, clearer and more focused after the fasting period. I had been feeling some trepidation about some of the responsibilities that I have to shoulder. I was feeling the burden of them although I care deeply about them. I have been leading virtues circles with friends and we have been discussing their goals. I realise I too need to review my own and remind myself of what I have set as achievements for this year. I just paused to do that, and had the happy realisation that I am on track. What I need more of is the element of practicing commitment that requires me to be confident in the choices I have made, to let go of hesitation born of what may be happening in other areas of my life and have the overall effect of causing me to wobble emotionally. I realise that I cannot compartmentalise my feelings so if I am feeling wobbly in one area the overall effect is instability all over. I guess this is where the practices of commitment are most important to change that doubt into certainty. This morning I feel a strength of spirit that I have not experienced for a while. It manifests itself in sitting taller and a surety as the words flow effortlessly in writing this post. I have a conversation that will be emotionally charged for me, on the agenda later today but even the thought of what it may bring is not altering my mood, instead I am eager to have it. The hard bits are really already said and now it is time to plan the next step. Despite the many variables, the many challenges that the future holds I know that if I face it with commitment it will work out the only way it should. These thoughts and their clarity surprise me and I welcome it. I am going to sit all the way down into this new found feeling and revel in its power!
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