Yesterday my husband was involved in a car accident. This was a great shock to him and our family and of course, when he called to inform me the dread and fear that ensued was overwhelming. How these tests appear without warning and pack a distinctive and gut wrenching punch! As I absorbed the surprise of the event, my own ego quickly got involved and I began to judge and assign blame and thoughts about the effect on our fragile and vulnerable financial existence burst through. These thoughts began to swirl in my mind but wisdom and the thinking about the kind of person I want to be, has taught me to resist expressing them. Oh how hard this was, but with a great deal of effort, I reminded myself that the words I place into the world ought to be only as a means to foster unity or else they do not need to be uttered. Yesterday, I had one late night study group centred on the Creative Word, this study that focused on how we need to develop these new capacities to be agents of change in the world and the prayers that were offered caused my heart to soften. What jumps out to me on the charity card is that one of the practices of charity is having a giving heart, a generous way of viewing others and caring for their needs. I had to override my habitual and destructive instinct to criticise and instead see that love, understanding and acceptance was what the situation demanded. As my husband and I talked and touched after a week of hardly seeing each other, there was a degree of connection we had not had in months. I realise that we needed such a massive and explosive signal to see one another again and realise that we missed each other. Cars are inconsequential can never replace the need we have to continue to build our own fortress of well-being. Within the framework of this fortress there is ample room for mistakes. It must be a refuge for suffering where we may find compassion to heal and grow together. Withholding of judgements is another practice that leaps off of this card. Generously offering him the benefit of the doubt so that he feels cared for and valued. I know that the embarrassment and sadness that my husband is enduring is causing him to berate himself mercilessly, were I to add to that, beating him down when he is already so broken would not serve to enable us to strengthen as a couple and overcome this test. How often I see in the past I have done this giving in to my first thought heedless of the effect it would have on his delicate and precious heart. There is a circle of love that begins first with those closest to me and extends outward. I am grateful that charity reminds me how to be a solid and secure link in love's chain.
Oh dear. Hugs to you both. I hope Randy is OK.