I have been thinking a lot about a remark that was made during a meeting that I participated in recently. It was made by a friend with whom I may define as having a relationship riddled with tests and trials. These tests and trials have seen my emotions run the spectrum many times over and just when I think that things are improving, a remark is made that delivers a gut wrenching ache to my mid section. I must factor into this equation that these interactions have made me super sensitive and that my interpretation of what was said and done may be way off base and not have been intended in the way that my delicate heart received it. So then the question is: how do I move past these feelings so as not to taint any future exchanges but to ensure that I exude and they feel genuine and authentic love and kindness? Caring is indeed the answer and the balm for this painful wound. It is not only the manner in which I must set my heart for future interchanges with this dear soul, but it is also the attention I must give to my own tender heart. In writing this musing I recall that I have read that when slights and hostility emanate from someone it is a sign that that soul is in fact desiring and in desperate need of love and affection. It is difficult to feel this amidst darts of pain, but underneath it all I believe it is a reality. To take an interest in this soul and listen deeply to the currents of emotion beneath the words is what caring asks me to practice. By tending to my own heart and taking care of myself means to throw off the cloak of inferiority and reposition my thinking to align with the Word of God, remembering my innate nobility and unique purpose. To recentre myself and assume a co-equal position, moving away from the periphery to which my mind, closely followed by my behaviour, default. Words have the power to wound and disempower but I have also experienced that a word signifies an associative meaning defined by the emotional meaning to which I assign it or to which I accept that society has assigned it. This meaning may be as a result of a catalogue of events that draw my mind to interpret them through this filter. Simply put, it is implicit bias. In this state, my heart is neither open to give nor receive love and caring cannot be accessed from the constant and insistent thinking that there is only one negative way to interpret these words. Additionally, it keeps my heart in unnecessary and avoidable pain. To build unity, particularly in the most hostile of environments, takes exquisite, authentic and loving care.
When a comment from another upsets me I usually attempt to talk it out with the person. Often, though, the other is not able or wiling to do that. When that happens, hard as it may be, we need to both let it go, forgive, hope they can do the same, and continue in as loving a way as we can.