"All things that have in themselves grace or beauty are pleasing to the heart and spirit." ~‘Abdu’l-Bahá, A Brief Account of My Visit to Accá, p. 11-14
Yesterday in a course of study around the institution of marriage, my group discussed the role of a husband and wife as helpmates, united in times of trouble and hardship. Life brings up occasions when supporting one another in the face of difficulty creates unique challenges. The aspect for discussion revolved around when one spouse shows signs of moral weakness. The course material counseled that the other spouse ought not to allow themselves to be pulled down in the name of love thereby falling victim to the same moral failing. This was a tough subject to discuss and the many experiences of my own weaknesses flashed before my eyes. I then came to settle on a topic I knew I needed help with and that is a particular point of struggle with me in my marriage. When I am hurt and upset I will find fault in others, blame others and then want to air all this putrid mess with my husband seeking some form of validation and confirmation that I am a good person. This practice of backbiting is a source of toxicity in my marriage and hurts our family when the pure souls of our children are exposed to it. In the Baha'i Teachings backbiting is forbidden. It is something I have been working on for myself and I had not even considered the effects it would have on my marriage, how it divides and is not supportive in any way though at the time it feels like it is. The facilitator of our group shared ways in which she tries to avoid this pitfall. She turns to journaling. When the feelings of upset, frustration and hurt well up she gets out a pen and puts it all down in paper for her eyes only. It is genius! All that is on her mind, all the hatred and vitriol is then processed onto the paper. It leaves her mind and she is able to make the necessary adjustments to return her mind to a more peaceful and tranquil state. I am going to make this a practice of mine to reach for something and scribble it all out. I have heard many healers and therapists support the therapeutic effects of journaling, in particular writing one's thoughts and feelings out by hand. It seems that the process of writing itself has a settling effect on our minds. If I take the time to get out the bad stuff in a way that does not wound others then I make room to see the good in them. I want to bring more beauty into our lives and be a more supporting and loving partner to my husband so I am open to try new things. This new practice will help me create beauty in and around me. Beauty comes about in the manner in which I speak and what I speak about. Thus I will continue to practice to eliminate things which are not a unique expression of my divine nature... which is inherently beautiful.
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