"Every day, in the morning when arising you should compare today with yesterday and see in what condition you are. If you see your belief is stronger and your heart more occupied with God and your love increased and your freedom from the world greater, then thank God and ask for the increase of these qualities. You must begin to pray and repent for all that you have done which is wrong and you must implore and ask for help and assistance that you may become better than yesterday so that you may continue to make progress."
~‘Abdu’l-Bahá, Star of the West, Volume 6, p. 68
The process of strengthening accountability is the same as the practice of it. It requires systematic daily actions that nudge me to reflect on my day. It is so easy to want to pass over and avoid the responsibility of recognising what has been done wrong, for fear of shame and pain. Taking time to do this exercise though with compassion and understanding that I am a work in process enables me to see where I took a wrong turn and perhaps to identify its source. I may then have information to use in the future to avoid making the same mistake. What of those mistakes that repeat themselves? The quote above, humbles me to recognise that perhaps I have not taken the time to identify the wrong, repent and ask for help and assistance so that I may progress. Or perhaps when I have made a modicum of progress I did not pause and recognise this growth and thank God for it. Either way, a greater sense of mindfulness is called for. I am currently enjoying a renewed sense of energy, more vibrance in my demeanour and outlook on the world. It follows a series of dark days I would rather have avoided. It is during these times of vitality that I have the energy to look back toward the darkness and seek to understand what may have precipitated it. I often find that when enveloped in the darkness I do not have the inclination to want to bring awareness to it for fear of a greater degree of pain than I am already experiencing. Trusting in the process that to overcome it I have to face it will take courage and fortitude. I also see that perhaps the cycle repeats itself because I have not yet found the courage to stand in responsibility for the onset of the dark days. I have control over more things than I know. The practice of accountability is a way to safeguard unconscious living. It is like shaking myself out of daze that temporarily paralyses me. I have not looked at accountability in this way before. If I take the time to make a habit of bringing myself to account during the days when my energy is higher and intellect keener, I may do so automatically when my energy is low and intellect cloudy. It cannot hurt to give it a try!