Tact

back at the starting line

It has been several days since I have written a musing and I am happy to be back here to share my thoughts. I underestimated the moving process. I figured I could rely on my previous experience of moving from country to country, so how hard can it be to move only twenty minutes to a nearby town? As I look back over the past week and a half, I see that I was speaking the words about accepting and being excited about moving but the conviction of it all was not rooted in my heart. From a material standpoint it was not that difficult but I totally disregarded the spiritual effects. It sometimes takes the doing of an action to make it acceptable and to learn to love it. So here I am, learning to live in our new home, feeling frustrated that things do not work perfectly and striving to build a routine that best fits our new surroundings. I feel it is this last aspect, developing a new routine, that has confounded me the most. I am a creature of habit and did not make a concrete plan to visualise fitting my routines into a new space. So what happened is, I went inside of myself to hide and not engage with things as they were unfolding. This involved picking up behaviours that do not serve me and only have the effect of making the transition harder as I am avoiding it all. I wanted my old routine and my old space and the familiarity of it all. This was my inner tantrum. The conversations in my head were conflicting. On the one hand the intellectual and reasonable side of me was arguing that this change has many benefits on so many fronts but there was/is a counter argument that posits a resistance to having to start over and resents the work needed to set a new foundation. What is one to do with these thoughts? Time plays a key factor in enabling change to take effect and the heart to release its grip on what was and accept what now is. I am not there yet and although I wish I could write that all was well and that I am fully settled, that is simply not true. Change is a process that takes time, more than I would like to admit. What does this all have to do with tact? I get to speak the truth without being overly harsh toward myself and others. Being in this uncomfortable state of limbo has meant that I have not been myself in interactive spaces.My smile has been harder to access and not as bright as usual, I feel the weight of the world yet this is no excuse for harsh words. This I am resolved to attend to today and even though life is hard, that is no reason to be discourteous.