Tact

Freedom to find me...

I have joined my husband in listening and participating in aspects of a positive intelligence course he is taking. I took a quiz to identify my saboteurs - those pesky characters of my survival brain that have helped me to navigate childhood successfully but hinder me now. In one powerful exercise, I came face to face with my Judge - the saboteur that incessantly criticises me and others as it hijacks my thoughts and directs my actions. I came face to face with its voice, it mannerisms and authoritative behaviour, I saw how it prevents me from experiencing joy. In particular its voice, that I assumed was my own, is harsh, unkind and heedless of how words wound others. What happened after I became aware of these characteristics of my judge, was that when its elements surfaced in me, I caught it before it got fueled up in all its ugliness and returned to myself - which the course terms the sage. I found freedom in clothing my words with kindness, encouraging others, being more discerning as to my choice of words and reflecting on how my words landed with others. Mostly I have found that I do not need to have some one agree with me by seeking out and presenting the most persuasive argument, I can offer my opinion serenely once and let it be. This tactic I have found to be the devious work of my co-saboteur - the pleaser. I am not able to adequately describe the transformative result of this exercise on my behaviour but suffice it to say, there is a deep sense of stillness I now feel like the comforting heaviness of a weighted duvet in winter. It is inhibiting but yet the restriction is welcome, warm, safe and comfortable. At a recent meeting I attended, during the discussion of emotionally charged issues - to which I had previously weighted in and debated, I found no need to repeat myself in the emphatic manner I had been doing but instead to listen intensely to the group, letting the mysterious forces of consultation guide the decision. A decision with which I wholeheartedly support. The gift in this is deeper feelings toward those with whom I serve.